Evil the thing I think about is too much, it's me, that's why I and my soul and my mind; waged a long war.
Since I was a student of history for two years in my secondary education, I saw numerous videotapes, video footage, and strategic analyzes of the First World War. Like the situations and scenarios that I experienced, readers should understand that I am a one-man army, but little or nothing at all.
I started to vomit, I was feeling bad. In military uniform, I thought I could be strong. However, this time I have to pass the test; it is not physical, but faith, soul, and psychology.
After several checks and scans, I was diagnosed; with a deadly disease. I have a lump in my neck, and it stands between my brain and a constant supply of fluid.
This story personifies my attitude, behavior and thinking in adolescence and adolescence as a person. This is suicidal thinking, which put me in a downward spiral of attitude-related setbacks.
fight CANCER it is not a battle, but a series of battles, war.
That day when i died
How many times a person should know what a fall is; it is the pit that will put you down before a lot of deadly shells fly over you if you are in a standing position.
I fell into a pit; caused by a crater left after an artillery barrage, which was previously named. Hiding in the crater, left behind, I am not in the path of horizontally flying physical objects, against which the enemy hurls me.
Coming out of a prone position, heroic & # 39; the charge is done as the main or leading characters, delivering a battle cry as a message sent to move forward; this time is different. Squad shooting as a complete massacre, is the result of direct exposure to enemy fire power. Light targets, mutilated by surrounding obstacles, shells or shrapnel, flying in many directions; men shrink at short intervals; in seconds when starting focus.
One realization that the truth of the heroic accusations do not make heroes, but the dead.
Lying in bed, feeling lonely and guilty, as I could not move my limbs, my eyesight was dimmed and I started talking to the scar. I carelessly and confidently charged into the enemy position; hiding fear, but causing the "destruction" of my compatriots, and I woke up alone to look at the ceiling in wine and grief, when I deeply reflect on what I was thinking about a successful exit, disappeared.
Ironically, I suffered minimal injuries and recovered in a short time. Therefore, in just a few days, back to the front.
A trap in the trench of fear that the repetition of the same actions; will only lead to the same disastrous consequence, and there will be calm the enemy, who "bought" the enemy and the stalemate.
The tanks were called in & # 39; but fear lingered in my mind, and the mentality fell into a state of negativity. As a first timer, I cringed and crouched in fear when the first of the barriers occurred to save space in a no-rider country, free and deterrent for men who dare to intimidate strong firepower.
I tried to gain courage; thinking that some form of air support or artillery will bind the opposition in their defensive lines. But there was a lack of situational intelligence, which led to a delay in preparation, allowed little to know about the enemy; if they used the time lag to their advantage and further strengthened their defenses, plugging holes and leaving no small gaps in weakness. Many negative thoughts lead to the visualization of numerous reinforcements that come to the aid of the enemy in the form of support for artillery, ammunition, supplies, air superiority and armor. I could not see the weak point in the fortress and the line of enhanced defense that the enemy had raised, or discard our useless attempt to hinder their confidence in maintaining their dominance in the land area called their “battlefield”.
Hoping for a miracle, all I can do is grab my hands and start praying in the sky, there was so little hope in my soul that the whole episode of fear, demotivation and regret remained in the hands of God.
Then the engines of tanks, roaring from guns of all kinds and blood, poured into my face like broken capillaries of people; thinking to go forward; injecting blood into the air, and projectiles send their limbs to fly in all directions, many without unison. Deaf and unable to breathe since I was kicked off my feet from the effects of an indefinite explosion in the fuel tank; and my compatriot was gripped by a huge ball of fire. I woke up briefly to see the curvature of the eyelids on a Southeast Asian medical soldier who dragged me by my collar and threw me into a deep trench. In fact, the crater remained after a huge rocket, a dent in the ground where it landed. Here it was not a safe zone. Shells and bullets flew over areas in millimeters above my barren head, since my helmet was out of place there in disarray.
Finally, there was a sharp whistle sound. The truce was intended to respect and respect the fallen people from both oppositions. The immobile bodies and their limbs were taken to burial sites, so as not to decompose into the cold and bloody battlefield.
I was taken to the back of another soldier who volunteered to put my weight back behind my rooted lines. I was suddenly depressed and landed. My soul, integrity and dignity was buried there; the tears of cowardice I am flowing like tributaries of a river. I just can't bear my weight anymore and fight.
I DON'T DIE, BUT MY SOUL IS DIED.
i gave up
How to recover & # 39; do something again?
I raised my bloody hand to shield the bright sunshine from my shattered uniform and the bent metal water bottle. Then the sky, covered with smoke, opened calmly, and the sore muscles on my back, when I fell so many times; I felt normal because I am surrounded by numerous soldiers; who were wounded, bleeding, tied up and tied from bullets and shrapnel wounds. The aroma of blood, charred wood, contaminated skin and gunpowder tell the story of the battlefield. Regardless of painkillers or medications, nothing stops in my head from horror and significantly from throbbing pain.
Christian author Tim Kimmel, in his book The Legacy of Love, describes courage in this way: “Although unusual courage is required for something, it takes even more courage to live for something, because for the right reason hundreds of choices are needed every day day. "
The will to achieve this goal is caused by melancholy, pain and hatred. Who can see the goal more clearly if the catastrophe of failure or retreat meant nothing to you?
Until I know my goal, until I feel that I let them go, until I can endure my own unmotivated and useless personality. However, I doubted myself and when combining forces. Until I see that my dear blood brothers are bleeding, watch them close their eyes in submission to death and hear that they deserve to tell me that I will take on their failed missions; I get up on my feet and climb the steep slopes of the trench to the surface.
I knew that I had to do my part, which part? Just hold the front when called for a reason.
" Mill ”Is a song by American rapper Eminem with British singer Dido, released on November 21, 2000 as the third single from the third album Eminem The Marshall Mathers LP (2000). It was number one in eleven countries, including the UK, Germany, Ireland and Australia.
Of: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stan_ (song)
The next day my soul was given second chance
The sun rose over the hills, and from afar defense of the fortress opened. Facing the sun, he was dazzling and with narrowed eyes, I looked into the faces of demoralized soldiers. Their faces were wrinkled around their eyes, and there were no smiles.
Having put off the tent, a middle-aged man spoke with a snag; “You guys look scared, I understand, but you are soldiers!”
He paced back and forth in front of the soldiers who had survived the killing of the defeat and shouted; “We lost a lot of people, but we didn’t lose the will to fight, we didn’t lose the souls of good soldiers, they fell, but I want you all not to let these fallen brothers understand that they donated nothing. "
Speech: “Ordinary Motivational Speech”, generally taken for granted and then forgiven. ”
I looked at the expressions of the soldiers I had to line up to lead the front, the situation seemed grim.
My lifeline was cut off, like an engine that needs cooling, a constant supply of supplies was cut, and fluidity was stopped due to the battle.
In addition, enemy tactics in the form of Pinker action reached the environment of my demoralized army blocked by a tumor.
Weakness, fatigue, and demotivation, my vision was blurred. But I had a trump card and very strong support in the form of allies, who would do more than usual expectations. They were very close, they donated a lot to me, and they will do a lot, except for expectations for me.
I KNEW THAT IT CAN MUCH MORE THAN only me
6 things you have with war in your mind
- Courage comes with fear, so the importance of greatness in the effort is certainly a strong argument that will affect your discouraged "me" to stand up and do the right thing.
- Training is useless if it does not exist, little or nothing is done as regards training.
- Habits are something that is done daily on a regular basis, if the habit of doing something with courage is made, then being forced to do something goes beyond the desire to do it.
- Resistance to make a decision is the same scenario that keeps a soldier in a trench, and not on the battlefield.
- Doing everything with willpower can drain your energy, because stress is totally up to you. Therefore, the charge of one only to achieve the goal is tedious and stressful.
- Without rest, there is no motivation or no chance to force the mind to get a new good habit, to gain courage or to think about achieving it when you are in the best condition, rather than trying to survive while it is down.
After the enemy’s first look, a second front line appeared.
A short flash in my memory: "We are soldiers, conscripts, like our ancestors, so we should not give up, you know what the consequences are."
OTHER TUMORS Found
What is oligodendroglioma?
Answer: (http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/brain-tumors/types/oligodendroglioma)
If there was a track that required your will to sprint your maximum power; for the next four hundred meters ahead, even after the finish line, will you do this run?
It was the year 2000, when I completed the operations after a disaster diagnosis. I was inspired, since the shortly formed name was Stan. My friends called me so that I was interested in the name and popularity.
RESTORATION CAMPAIGN
Ahead lie fifty eight weeks of chemotherapy, which I had to overcome after all the initial injuries, but now I had the will to continue.
Do or die; I had to face fear and confront the challenges ahead in the form of surgeries, medical procedures, and physiological and psychological pain.
I WILL NOT GIVE UP.
The next attempt in the battle continues; with and without a goal. Many just want to return home, many believe that the battle ahead is suicide, I felt I could die, but I also want to return home.
Men fearfully assembled the assembly area before assigning the positions they would take in the trenches.
Without the earth of man, I know what needs to be done, and what the next hour will mean.
Support
The shells broke out, and thick layers of smoke filled the terrain ahead, the sounds of airplanes could be heard higher in the sky and on the bases in front; motorized vehicles and cisterns. It was all-in or nothing to attack the enemy.
When the cry and the team to set the pace and get out of the trenches on man’s land, I finally had enough strength and energy to rise and carried a charge to the foggy and crater sites, My anguish, fear and sadness caused an unusual behavior that made me blind .
the confirmation
I looked at the sky; I closed my eyes and just unleashed my guilt, despair and sadness. “Arg,” I responded to the pillows and pillows that kept my head in a state of crying and bleeding.
There is a recognition of frustration in my original weak and cowardly personality without any form of wisdom or maturity in thinking. Now I see the big picture and know what needs to be done for the greater good.
I wanted to make mistakes beautiful, even with the responsibility for making erroneous obstacles for myself and others. Recognizing this and confronting the problems that I have done, introduce to me the motivation to serve; more than command. With slavery in mind, there was fear, but even stronger would change the situation.
Assault front with a weakened body, but a strengthened soul, I was faced with such a terrible enemy, like a blind man.
Truth: I would rather die than return wounded and injured outside the "main life". I could not tolerate the guilt and sadness of the loss of what I had and cannot be replaced.
With a sense of confidence, I hailed as the battle cry of victory, when the tanks were withdrawn to the front, rumbled like the hearts of infantry, which had once been demoralized due to the initial lack of firepower.
Breaking the protection of the fortress, there were so many deaths in the atmosphere, blindly choosing pain and frustration; the bullets flew toward the gun crew, which was lightly armed. After emptying the ammunition in my rifle, I finally stopped squeezing the trigger, because no haze revealed a type of innocence. people who were turned into soldiers from despair in defense; opposition.
The victory was achieved, but the soul again faded away.
Bloodshed surrounded me, as the opposition faced the full impact of blind shooting.
I grabbed a stranger who was standing next to me and threw him to the ground, and a loud voice shouted: “Stop the fire! Sanita returned to a rage and fear-mysterious mind. This confrontation is over. The battle has stopped.
I looked at the enemies who surrendered in despair, many in tears, when they looked around to see the empty promises, their dead friends, people dying or bleeding and screaming in pain. I recovered from the injury and the adrenaline rush to feel a pat on the back, "you made your way, it's nice that you are here with us, medic."
I had a thought; I could not control my emotions of sadness when I was confused by the opposition. I fell to my knees and began unpacking my medical packaging, with which I was charging. Tying and giving blows of painkillers and medical preparations to the wounded and dying, I was hit on my bottom.
I looked up and frowned face, what are you doing? Working so hard on those who came all the way to the front to kill us?
I developed a conscience
I used to be angry and thought about revenge for the fallen brothers by my side. Now I see the opposition crying when they lose their brothers in arms, and there, until I learned that my revenge was taken, but I still have pain and guilt for killing and damaging the opposition masses. Enemies are conquered, but the consciousness and integrity of my soul is compromised again.
This put me in peace of mind, about my loss of quality of life, and I was not indignant when discrimination arose in the waves, since I was less than the masses. I looked at the sky to find out that there was still some form of light in the dark clouds.
When the planes made their way through the gap in dark clouds, fog and smoke; it was a sound of hope. Although it is known that “everything is in love and war”, air superiority is achieved, and this is definitely a relief even in a situation of panic.
Destruction occurred because of the sky, as the bombing and shelling occurred in areas of the enemy front. Like angels, there was armor, was the answer to any form of support for the enemy.
With a sigh of relief, after waking up from a coma, I looked at my mother and knew that the dream that I had in my deep sleep, the episodes in which I was, showed personification about the nature of the fighting spirit and my soul. I felt redeemed.
