I am writing this, just finished with a very sincere cordial conversation with a friend. A conversation that was hard as hell made us both uncomfortable and sad, but a conversation that stood in the way of our relationship. The conversation that needed to be carried forward. A simpler choice would be to ignore the problem, not talk about my needs, or completely destroy the relationship and the “ghost” without being honest. This, however, would not lead to my desire to show my authenticity.
Every day, each of us is faced with the decision to go to our authentic "I" or stay in our unreliable comfort zones. As humans, we can live inside our comfort zones and, basically, cruise through life, growing only when necessary. We can wear our inadequate daily masks, smile on our faces when we are unhappy, sit down with insults and deny our desires. We can physically survive through this all, except the word of Albert Schweitzer; "The tragedy of life is not that we are dying, but rather that one dies inside a person while he is alive." When we do not live in our true life, then we really do not live, but die instead.
Often food, sex and relationships are among the most obvious places that suffer when we do not live reliably. They are also the areas that can bring the greatest joy and satisfaction in our lives when they fit our values.
Food: You may wonder how you can live reliably with food and feel that these two have nothing to do with each other, however they are actually related. When we do not live in our real life, we eventually find ways to fill the gaps and gaps that cause pain. This is when many people turn to food and start eating foods that also do not correspond to their values. If you value yourself, your spirit and live truly, then you will feed your body in a way that nourishes your spirit. When you do not live reliably, you will eventually use food in useless ways, and the food you choose will most likely not feed your soul.
Floor: This is one of the areas in which people find it to be authentic. The general theme of sexuality is complex enough for many people, but when you start to get a personality and talk about how sex is for you, as a person, most people are hiding. Authentic sex is the first realization that you are really good to you, and that you need to be personal, and then ask for this in the bedroom. It tells your partner when they do nothing the way you want it, or when you want to try something new. It is about being truly connected to your body and your partner throughout the action. This is not about not dodging desires and fantasies, and also to have boundaries when something goes beyond your level of comfort. Authentic sex owns your sexuality and does not moisturize it for others, but does not inflate it to prove something to the world. It is about being right where you are with your sex at the moment. It can be a scary process, but one that can bring not only defective physical connections, but also emotional connections with your life.
Relations: From a very early age, many of us learn to wear fake masks and hide our true feelings. This ends in bleeding into our daily relationships, including intimate relationships and friendships. We, as people, often want to be seen, but still so lost in our tasks that we cannot take them off long enough for others to see our true true personalities. We often fear what others think of us or try to hide “imperfections” with inaccuracy; we are afraid to suffer. Alternatively, you can constantly try to preserve the feelings of another person and / or avoid “big” problems that will ever create a split in the relationship. When we are not authentic in our relationship, we end up feeling empty, angry, sad, and offended. We are in a state of desire and in the inner turmoil. However, when we can be authentic, we leave feeling seen, heard, loved and yet able to stand in ourselves.
This unreliability involves relationships with yourself! First, we must be absolutely authentic with ourselves, with our needs, needs, desires, dreams, etc. We cannot try to live our real life, if we do not even know who we are. Take off your masks for yourself and find out who you really are. Take the time to understand this, really appreciate your values, start being genuine with yourself, and then try to work on each of the three areas above. You will see major changes in your life, and your life will begin to feel more congruent as a person.
This is not always the easiest way, but it is the most useful and the only way we really live while we are on earth!
